... just minutes after teaching yoga
It was a warm summer evening and I just finished teaching a sunset yoga class in the beautiful garden of my parents. My students nicely surprised me with their attendance. We exchanged hugs and waved good-bye to see each other in a few days. I felt incredibly grateful for the role that life made me fulfill. The house welcomed me with the smell of a delicious meal, which my mom had prepared while I was outside. I couldn’t resist having a bite, so on my way to the shower, I briefly stopped by the kitchen and took a generous scoop from the pot standing on the oven. Before I could taste it however, a big solid piece slid directly into my throat. Like a cork in a wine bottle, it perfectly blocked my airway. No matter what I did and how hard I tried, I could not get it to move. Time was rapidly escaping. I waved for help to my parents eating dinner in the nearby dining room. They came, but only to start terribly panicking upon the scene. Both of them were in such a shock that even the emergency number seemed to vanish from their thinking, let alone any assistance. I wished to let them know that there was no time left for an ambulance to arrive,
BUT BEFORE ANY HELP COULD REACH ME, I HAD ALREADY SLIPPED BEYOND…
Throughout this entire time, I was acutely aware of everything that was happening. Individual seconds stretched into minutes and even those seemed infinite. With all my might, I fought for the tiniest bit of air possible, but with no success. The arrival of my parents brought me some comfort, but hadn’t changed my situation in any way. The accident happened so quickly and unexpectedly that it took everyone off guard. By then I knew, I was not going to make it and had to come to terms with death. The moment I let go of my desperate struggle for breath, and my initial shock subsided, the deepest peace imaginable came over me. I accepted the fact that I had just lost my fight for life and fully surrendered to what was coming. I even began to feel grateful for the best possible death scenario. No prolonged sickness, painful surgery, car accident, or lonely old age. Instead, I departed at the top of my physical health and with my heart filled with gratitude for the life I had. Interestingly enough, for that moment, I happened to travel across the globe to my home country, to the city where I was born, to the house of my parents, with both of them at my side!
Throughout this entire time, I was acutely aware of everything that was happening. Individual seconds stretched into minutes and even those seemed infinite. With all my might, I fought for the tiniest bit of air possible, but with no success. The arrival of my parents brought me some comfort, but hadn’t changed my situation in any way. The accident happened so quickly and unexpectedly that it took everyone off guard. By then I knew, I was not going to make it and had to come to terms with death. The moment I let go of my desperate struggle for breath, and my initial shock subsided, the deepest peace imaginable came over me. I accepted the fact that I had just lost my fight for life and fully surrendered to what was coming. I even began to feel grateful for the best possible death scenario. No prolonged sickness, painful surgery, car accident, or lonely old age. Instead, I departed at the top of my physical health and with my heart filled with gratitude for the life I had. Interestingly enough, for that moment, I happened to travel across the globe to my home country, to the city where I was born, to the house of my parents, with both of them at my side!
Squeezing tightly my mother’s hand was my way of saying the final good-bye…
Squeezing tightly my mother’s hand
was my way of saying
the final good-bye…
As I continued to detach from the physical body, my entire life flashed in front of me. Key life moments paused briefly to make sure that I carried no regrets or hard feelings to the other realm. There was no judgment upon that review, only a soft compassionate reflection. I remember my last thought carrying a smile, as my earthly personality found humor even in my final moments – a vegetarian yogi dies, choked by a big piece of meat! What a cosmic joke!
The other side presented me with absolute darkness everywhere I looked. I found myself floating like a cloud in the infinite vastness all around. Rather than being afraid, I felt a deep comfort and sense of belonging. I knew I no longer had a physical body, but that was of little concern to me. I already felt wonderfully free and expansive without it! The feeling of freedom was so magnificent that I could not get enough of this blissful sensation. The body I left seemed like an empty container from which I had just been liberated. I hardly believed how meaningless it now appeared! I was in pure, euphoric joy that I never wished to end. Not for a moment, did I question where I was. Instead, I felt ecstatic to realize that I died and yet…
I am! I still exist! And I feel better than ever!
To know all this was such a revelation.
It soon became apparent that I was not alone. A transparent being was watching me closely from some distance ahead. I couldn’t put a name to it, but was very aware of its existence. I sensed that it had something important to communicate. In the most loving and gentle manner, this presence let me know that my time had not yet come and I should go back. Although this message carried so much love, I did not expect to hear it. I deeply enjoyed my new state and wished to forever remain that way. Besides, my body was not capable of breathing thus returning to it didn’t make any sense. The being promised that my breath would resume and my connection to this place will never cease. It assured me that there was a greater reason for my return, of which I was not yet aware. But even those words were not convincing enough for me to go back.
I TRULY WANTED TO STAY WHERE I WAS…
I truly wanted to stay where I was…
As if to soften my resistance and help me realize who was in front of me, the presence whispered,
“Hanna, look who I am…”
In that instance, this previously transparent being turned into a blazing light, a light so bright as that of the Sun. Its dazzling radiance shone upon me and love indescribable engulfed me entirely unto itself. I no longer appeared as separate, I blended with that luminous light and became the purest love of God. Love so vast that it fills every space of the Universe. I was not only aware of being every particle of the existence, but the one witnessing that awareness! I became the very consciousness aware of itself! It was a state of such profound presence and stillness that it felt like utter bliss, absolute euphoria! In that moment I realized that love, light and consciousness were all one – God, Creator, Source, of which I was not only a part, but the entirety of!
As if to soften my resistance and help me realize who was in front of me, the presence whispered,
“Hanna, look who I am…”
In that instance, this previously transparent being turned into a blazing light, a light so bright as that of the Sun. Its dazzling radiance shone upon me and love indescribable engulfed me entirely unto itself. I no longer appeared as separate, I blended with that luminous light and became the purest love of God. Love so vast that it fills every space of the Universe. I was not only aware of being every particle of the existence, but the one witnessing that awareness! I became the very consciousness aware of itself! It was a state of such profound presence and stillness that it felt like utter bliss, absolute euphoria! In that moment I realized that love, light and consciousness were all one – God, Creator, Source, of which I was not only a part, but the entirety of!
To feel the magnificence of one’s God-Presence is beyond words to describe and human mind to comprehend. It is the experience of the soul returning home to its divine origin, in oneness with the ONE.
WITH NEWFOUND AWARENESS, MY SOUL CHOSE TO COME BACK TO COMPLETE ITS PURPOSE ON EARTH. I soon began feeling the restraints of the physical form and my body’s senses slowly returning. The process of re-entering felt as though I was being forced into a tight artificial mold, compared to the vast expanse I had just experienced. My lungs struggled to take in air, and it took yet another painful effort to restore my breathing. Once my normal functions returned, I glanced around and noticed that my surroundings appeared different. I was seeing everything with a child-like fascination, as if discovering the world for the first time. There was an immense sense of appreciation in my eyes and an incredible feeling of oneness with everything around me.
It wasn’t long before I realized the profound impact this experience had on my life.
At first, I didn’t fully comprehend the significance of what had transpired, but soon discovered how deeply sensitive I had become. My heightened senses perceived sounds, colors, and shapes as louder, more vivid, and sharply defined – like I were living in high definition. To maintain balance, harmony became an essential need, both within and around me. My connection with the outside world was no longer guided by logic or reason but by feeling. Life, in fact, had transformed into a realm of pure sensation, where I could quite literally feel everything! When interacting with people, my attention would instinctively be drawn to their inner being. Before relating to one’s personality, I would already feel a connection with their soul. This deepened my empathy, fostering a profound sense of compassion and understanding.
At first, I didn’t fully comprehend the significance of what had transpired, but soon discovered how deeply sensitive I had become. My heightened senses perceived sounds, colors, and shapes as louder, more vivid, and sharply defined – like I were living in high definition. To maintain balance, harmony became an essential need, both within and around me. My connection with the outside world was no longer guided by logic or reason but by feeling. Life, in fact, had transformed into a realm of pure sensation, where I could quite literally feel everything! When interacting with people, my attention would instinctively be drawn to their inner being. Before relating to one’s personality, I would already feel a connection with their soul. This deepened my empathy, fostering a profound sense of compassion and understanding.
I came back with the promise that my connection to the Other Side will never be lost.
To my unexpected yet wonderful surprise, this manifested as a gift of direct communication and increased intuition. This ability allows me to bring messages from the other realm, in the form of visions and intuitive insights. I serve merely as a bridge between dimensions- those of mind and spirit. When deeply attuned, I transcend immediate conditions and human reasoning, ascending to a state of higher awarness, greater knowing, and all-encompassing perspective where profound truth and deeper understanding reside.
Because my soul returned to the same body, my appearance hadn’t changed and to everyone else, I looked as if nothing had happened. Sharing my near-death experience with others, however, was not easily met with their understanding, as they couldn’t comprehend how someone could die and then come back! I noticed that people naturally fear death and don’t feel comfortable talking about the afterlife. For that reason, I received no words of comfort or validation and was essentially left to myself to process everything that took place.
While the biggest transformation was not visible externally,
the event deeply affected my inner world. My belief system completely shifted, directly opposing many commonly held views, particularly in the realm of religion. Religious dogma seemed to be the perfect contrast of what my experience revealed. It also became increasingly challenging to follow cultural traditions and align with societal norms, which no one thought to question. This disconnect led to a sense of not belonging, while at the same time provided a chance for solitude and reflection in nature.
Going through death and back, while fully aware the whole time, largely impacted how I approach the most existential truths. My first-hand experience has taught me that who I am is not the form. I saw my body collapsing on the kitchen floor like a lifeless deflated balloon, yet at the same time, I existed as the witnessing consciousness, fully alive! To tie my identity to the flesh feels almost artificial now. At the moment of my passing, I had also observed that what appeared to be my life was nothing more than a storyline attached to the form. The minute my body ceased functioning, the familiar story had ended as well! Life felt more like a dream from which I had finally awoken. Reuniting with the true essence of my being helped me realize that who I am is infinitely and magnificently greater than I ever imagined myself to be. The way death occurred in my life has proven that it’s not an event reserved for an old age or sickness, but can be closer than the next breath.
Going through death and back, while fully aware the whole time, largely impacted how I approach the most existential truths. My first-hand experience has taught me that who I am is not the form. I saw my body collapsing on the kitchen floor like a lifeless deflated balloon, yet at the same time, I existed as the witnessing consciousness, fully alive! To tie my identity to the flesh feels almost artificial now. At the moment of my passing, I had also observed that what appeared to be my life was nothing more than a storyline attached to the form. The minute my body ceased functioning, the familiar story had ended as well! Life felt more like a dream from which I had finally awoken. Reuniting with the true essence of my being helped me realize that who I am is infinitely and magnificently greater than I ever imagined myself to be. The way death occurred in my life has proven that it’s not an event reserved for an old age or sickness, but can be closer than the next breath.
Because I once ran out of time, I no longer wait for the future, but instead started BE! LIVING! in the present. When one feels the preciousness of life, the tiniest of things become a joyous celebration. To live this way is an incredible experience of utmost aliveness, acute presence and heartfelt gratitude.
• • • • • • •
Namaste
Namaste
English