I had just finished teaching a sunset yoga class in the beautiful garden of my parents. It was a warm summer evening and my students nicely surprised me with their attendance. We exchanged hugs and waved good-bye to see each other in a few days. I felt incredibly grateful for the role that life made me fulfill. The house welcomed me with the smell of a delicious meal, which my mom had prepared while I was outside. I couldn’t resist having a bite, so on my way to the shower, I briefly stopped by the kitchen and took a generous scoop from the pot standing on the oven. Before I could taste it however, a big solid piece slid directly into my throat. Like a cork in a wine bottle, it perfectly blocked my airway. No matter what I did and how hard I tried, I could not get it to move. Time was rapidly escaping. I waved for help to my parents eating dinner in the nearby dining room. They came, but only to start terribly panicking upon the scene. Both of them were in such a shock that even the emergency number seemed to vanish from their thinking, let alone any assistance. I wished to let them know that there was no time left for any ambulance to arrive, but before anything… I was gone…
Throughout this entire time, I was acutely aware of everything that was happening. Individual seconds stretched into minutes and even those seemed infinite. With all my might, I fought for the tiniest bit of air possible, but with no success. The arrival of my parents brought me some comfort, but hadn’t changed my situation in any way. The accident happened so quickly and unexpectedly that it took everyone off guard. By then I knew, I was not going to make it and had to come to terms with death. The moment I let go of my desperate struggle for breath, and my initial shock subsided, the deepest peace imaginable came over me. I accepted the fact that I had just lost my fight for life and fully surrendered to what was coming. I even began to feel grateful for the best possible death scenario. No prolonged sickness, painful surgery, car accident, or lonely old age. Instead, I departed at the top of my physical health and with my heart filled with gratitude for the life I had. Interestingly enough, for that moment, I happened to travel across the globe to my home country, to the city where I was born, to the house of my parents, with both of them at my side! Squeezing tightly my mother’s hand was my way of saying the final good-bye…
As I continued to detach from the physical body, my entire life flashed in front of me. Key life moments paused briefly to make sure that I carried no regrets or hard feelings to the other realm. There was no judgment upon that review, only a soft compassionate reflection. I remember my last thought to be that of a smile, as my earthly personality found humor even in my death – a vegetarian yogi dies, choked by a big piece of meat! What a cosmic joke!
The other side presented me with absolute darkness everywhere I looked. I found myself floating like a cloud in the infinite vastness all around. Rather than being afraid, I felt a deep comfort and sense of belonging. I knew I no longer had a physical body, but that was of little concern to me. I already felt wonderfully free and expansive without it! The feeling of freedom was so magnificent that I could not get enough of this blissful sensation. The body I left seemed now like an empty container from which I had just liberated myself. I hardly believed how meaningless it appeared! I was in pure, euphoric joy that I never wished to end. Not for a moment, did I question where I was. Instead, I felt ecstatic to realize that I died and yet… I still exist!!! I am! And I feel better than ever! To know that was such a revelation.
I soon noticed that I was not alone. A Presence ahead kept on was watching me closely. I didn’t have a name for it, but was very aware of its existence. I sensed that it had something very important to communicate. In the most loving and gentle manner, this Being let me know that my time had not yet come and I shall go back. Although its message carried so much love, I did not expect to hear it. I deeply enjoyed my new state and wished to forever remain this way. I had no desire to face death again, not after what I’ve just been through. Also, my body was not capable of breathing thus returning to it would not make any sense. The Being kept on lovingly persuading me that there was a greater reason behind my return, of which I was not yet aware, but I continued to sincerely refuse. Even the promise that my breath would resume was not convincing enough for me to go back. I truly wanted to stay where I was…
As if to soften my resistance and help me realize who was the Presence in front, I heard, “Hanna, look who I am…” In that instance, this previously invisible Being turned into a blazing light, light so bright as that of the rising Sun. Its dazzling radiance shone upon me and love indescribable engulfed me entirely unto itself. I blended with that luminous light and became that all-encompassing love. Love so great that it fills every space of the Universe. My sense of self expanded as I was now everywhere and everything! And I was not only aware of being every particle of the existence, but was the one witnessing that awareness! I became the very consciousness aware of itself! It was a state of such profound presence that it felt like utter bliss, absolute euphoria!
I realized that Love, Light, and the Ultimate Consciousness was what God, Source, Creator is. And in that moment, I was not only a part, but the entirety of It!
To feel the magnificence of your God-Self is beyond any words to describe, and mind to understand. It is the experience of the Soul returning Home, to its Divine Origin, in oneness with the ONE.
With that new awareness of itself, my soul chose to come back to complete its purpose on Earth. I soon began feeling the restraints of the physical form and my body’s senses slowly returning. My lungs however were still not able to receive any air, and it took another painful struggle to restore my normal breathing. Once I got my breath under control and looked around, I noticed that nothing appeared the same as before. I was about to discover how life-changing this experience had left me.
Little did I know that life after returning from the Other Side was not going to be the same. At first, I didn’t grasp the full significance of my experience, but I shortly noticed that my surroundings appeared differently. The most average items were now subject to my sheer delight and absolute wonder. I would look at them with a child-like fascination, as if discovering the world for the first time. There was an unexplained sense of oneness, where I could feel their shapes, colors and even textures, far beyond my usual five senses. The impressions I was receiving were so rich like I had never experienced before. Similar was true for my interactions with people. Rather than being focused on their outer appearance, my attention would naturally be drawn to their inner being. Before relating with one’s personality, I would already feel a connection with their soul. It wasn’t long when I realized that my heightened senses and increased intuition made me ultra sensitive and very empathetic toward others. My life, in fact, became that of a feeling, as I could literally feel everything! Those subtle energies around make the invisible language with which the world and I communicate. Such high sensitivity requires me to also spend more time in nature or in silence to sooth the busy senses.
I soon observed that sharing my experience with others was not easily met with their understanding. Topics of death and the afterlife are in general not the most common ones for discussion, as people naturally fear the unknown and prefer to avoid such conversations. For that reason, I was essentially left to myself to process everything that took place. Back then, I would have definitely benefited from hearing a word of comfort or validation from someone willing to listen. Even now, I welcome the opportunity to connect with others who have been through the same, and are ready to share.
Because I returned to the same body, my appearance hadn’t changed. To everyone I looked identical, as if nothing happened, but I could tell that a different consciousness was now inside. Resonating with the common mindset, particularly in the area of religion, has become increasingly challenging as many of the established beliefs perfectly contradict what my experience has shown. While, I have never been the best fit for the normalcy around, coming back from the Other Side didn’t make my following any easier. I now see things with a greater clarity and a lot of activities, which others undertake without much thought, simply do not appeal to me. Further more, my spirit that returned is so free and joyous in expressing itself that it doesn’t match the norm either! 🙂 Also, having experienced the reality beyond the form made me realize how very temporary and almost insignificant, the reality we live on Earth is. As a result, I became less attached to life’s events, and instead manifested more ease and laughter into my life.
Going through death and back, while fully aware the whole time, largely impacted my perception on the most fundamental truths. It was my first hand experience to learn that who I am is not the form. I saw my body collapsing on the kitchen floor like a lifeless deflated balloon, yet at the same time, I existed as the witnessing consciousness, fully alive! To tie my identity to the flesh feels almost artificial now. At the moment of my passing, I had also observed that what appeared to be my life was nothing more than a storyline attached to the form. The minute my body ceased functioning, the familiar story had ended as well! Life felt like a dream, from which I had finally awoken. Reuniting with the purest essence of my being helped me realize that who I am is infinitely and magnificently greater than I ever considered myself to be.
The way death occurred in my life has proven that it’s not an event assigned to sickness or old age, but can be as close as the next breath. Because I once ran out of time, I have stopped believing in the future and started BE! LIVING! in the present. And, when one feels the preciousness of life, the tiniest of things turn into a joyous celebration. To live this way is an incredible experience of utmost aliveness, acute presence and heartfelt gratitude.
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